So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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