god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
