i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
