i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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