I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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