So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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