I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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