i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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