I feel like abortions should bother me more
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
