He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
