i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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