not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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