Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
