The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
