today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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