piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Where is the hickey?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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