She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
