i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
