i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
