so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize