Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
