In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
