I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
