I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
