I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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