its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
