Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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