my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
