he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
