you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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