he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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