They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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