Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
