I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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