I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
