I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
