I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
