i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
