thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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