Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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