I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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