did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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