This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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