she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
