i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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