Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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