I think my fart just growled at me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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