Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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