Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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