i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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