YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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