If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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