It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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