woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
