I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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