There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
