We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
