I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
