can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dick very happy bro
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
