Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
