I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
