Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
