Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
