WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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