I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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